Archive for May, 2013

Motherhood: A Body and Soul Journey: Welcome Baby Kyla Rose Stathas!

Wednesday, May 8th, 2013

This week culminates with the celebration of Mother’s Day – a day to honor deserving mothers.  My mother Betty is living.  My wife Sherry is a mother.  Our daughter Brittany is a mother. And this week our son Kris’ wife, Cara, became a mother. Kyla Rose, join the family that loves you so! Some thoughts on being a Mother from a grateful son, husband, and father! And therapist.

I am fascinated with life’s unfolding of a human being, including the stages reached and the adjustments made over the course of a lifetime.  No person goes through more physical, emotional, and spiritual changes than a mother.

Perhaps the journey begins with “Ohmygod, I’m late – missed my period!” Is that good or bad news? Depends on the readiness state and stage of the girl/woman involved.

Conception has happened. Her whole being is stirred up. The body expands, breasts and belly, getting ready to welcome and nurture the child. Emotions run the gamut as hormones and life situations play out. The spiritual element of being a co-creator of a baby can be exhilarating. The miracle of life!

The bittersweet painful and joyous birth is deeply experienced- hopefully accompanied by a loving mate and eager-to-be father. Together a loving couple welcomes their child into the universe. This is the ideal, I know, but the ideal is always the goal.

As the child grows, develops, and tastes the varied menu of what life serves up, a mother is “with” the child like no other. The child came from her body where, hopefully, she nurtured him/her with a healthy life style and a loving welcoming heart.

Infancy, nursing, the during the night “get ups”, the “terrible twos”, playtime, day care, going off to kindergarten, middle school, puberty with all its upheaval, high school drama, and “where did the time go” empty nest” – and all the varied events and emotions therein- significantly impact a mother.  And mothering is not finished here, even as the adult child moves on through life.  Mothering continues forever.

Highs and lows, fear, anger, sadness, sacrifices – wrapped in love are a mother’s journey.  Hopefully the trail has been one mostly of happiness and overcome sorrows.  Hopefully, the child has matured into a loving, responsible, happy, and grateful adult.  Hopefully, the child/adult is appreciative of what his/her mother has put into her job

of parenting. Hopefully, the child’s father is grateful for what the mother has given the child, and him, through her efforts.

And, hopefully, sons, daughters, and mates will join me in a well deserved

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

Thank you, Mom, Sherry, Brittany, and new mother, Cara, for your nurturing motherly gifts!

 

P.S. If you are a mother who has not done a good job of mothering yet- please turn it around and be the wonderful mother you are capable of being and receive the commendations worthy of your efforts.

Mister, You Had Better Get With It Before “She’s Walkin’ Away”!

Wednesday, May 1st, 2013

JOHN J. STATHAS, Ph.D.,LMFT

Zac Brown continues to help me out.  I am always looking and listening for something to trigger an idea for an article that I hope would be of interest and benefit to you, Respected Reader. After hearing Zac’s , “AS SHE’S WALKIN’ AWAY”, I had an “aha” thought.  Here are some of the lyrics:

Now I’m falling in love as she’s walking away;

and my heart won’t tell my mind

to tell my mouth what it should say.

… Now I’m fallin’ in love as she’s walkin’ away.

Two themes come to mind in regard to a man inviting, and keeping, a woman into his heart and life.

  1. Men, don’t be afraid to approach a woman that attracts you. Get past the fear of rejection. Don’t miss the opportunity and do it with class. She may be the one who will be a special partner for you. Let your heart attraction thrust you forward to connect.
  2. Men, love your lady to the best of your ability so that she does not push her “I’m gone” button. Some men take their lady for granted. They don’t say or do what it takes to have her feel special – deeply loved and appreciated. She is not his number one priority. Business, sports, money, even the kids, perhaps the dog rank ahead of the neglected “invisible” lady.

What I often see is that the woman wants, and deserves, more.  If such love is not forthcoming she finally decides, hopefully after giving a Counseling invitation that may be rejected, that she no longer wants to stay in the relationship. At first the man gets mad, tries to bully her back into the relationship. This rarely works, with the exception of the woman that is weak, needy and co-dependent.  If the bully attempt doesn’t work, then the man’s defense mechanism of anger gives way to the hurt that exists for this loss. He misses her.

Oft times a man doesn’t realize or show his love until she’s “walkin’ away”. Even then he struggles in his attempt to get her back.  His “heart won’t tell his mind to tell his mouth what it should say”.

Bottom line here, men be attuned to the woman you want to be a part of your life.  Do what it takes to pursue and treasure what may well be the greatest source of love and happiness that you may ever have.

If you need further clarification or advice, call Zac.  If he’s not available I know a happily married man who is available, a Marriage and Family Therapist, who continually is “fallin’ in love” with his wondrous wife!

 

“The unexamined life is not worth living”     Socrates