Archive for February, 2016

What Makes Sharing Life With A Love Partner A Success?

Thursday, February 4th, 2016


I do a lot of relationship counseling. The relationships vary from parent-child, lovers, married (some are also lovers), etc… . All involve some form of shared life for some period of time.

The focus of this writing is on people who choose a life partner and are committed to making it work. How can two people live together happily as individuals as well as in partnership?

For two people to be compatible and loving over a significant period of time there needs to be a few basics for optimal connection. Some of them are:

  1. True love. (I repeatedly hear people say that they are “in love” with another and more often than not they do not have a clue what enduring love is all about).
  2. Trust, at a number of levels.
  3. Respect
  4. Shared values
  5. Common interests
  6. Agreed upon goals
  7. Financial agreements
  8. Communication compatability
  9. Sensual sharing
  10. Compatible spiritual views

All of this combines into life style. So few people grasp the importance of life style for a successful shared life. Each of these above ten attributes need to be idiosyncratically articulated by each couple into a understood agreement, game plan, as to how they will live together harmoniously.

To effectuate this each person in the relationship has to have some sense of matured identity, awareness of his/her needs, and the capacity to deliver what the relationship requires for success. Unfortunately most people are limited in self awareness and do not really know the other in terms of the depth of who that potential partner really is. Thus, surprises later in the relationship abound.

Sharing life on an everyday basis in a committed relationship is not easy – unless it is a good fit. And if it truly is a good fit, it is not “work” as in “you need to work on your relationship”. I can honestly say that I have never felt that I had to “work” on my relationship with my wife, Sherry. Maybe she has, but has never indicated it! Adjustments over time, of course, go with any developmental relationship.

If you know who you are, what you need, do your due diligence well, work out the ten factors listed above, you will share life with a special person – forever happily!

“The unexamined life is not worth living”   Socrates