“6 Things You Should ALWAYS Be Selfish About In Relationships”

Getting in, staying, and developing a healthy significant relationship that has depth is not an easy task. Insight of the week! Often individuals error on one extreme or the other in such a relationship. One person may become passive dependent in the relationship, whereas another individual may become egotistical and controlling. Being able to be your full self in a healthy interdependent relationship is a most worthwhile goal. Here are some tips to assist in that endeavor offered by Laura Brown and embellished by me. Ms. Brown has stated that she was such a giver that she lost her true self. She so wanted the other person to not leave that she gave up the following factors to ensure that the other person would not leave. Mistake, now corrected! Now, never give up these six things in a relationship.

1. YOUR INDEPENDENCE: The best relationships exist when both people are independent, not needy or inclined to be dependent. Based on a mutual understanding toward developing a healthy relationship, two independent people thus form a synergistic interdependent relationship with an equal give and take between them. Many years ago I made up a little saying in this regard:  “You come into this world alone. You leave alone. Along the way you hold hands with different people, in various degrees of intimacy, for various periods of time. But you are alone.”   Embrace your aloneness and independence – your essence!

2. YOUR IDENTITY: The goal of each person is to become the best person s/he can be. Healthy relationships foster this. Each person brings experiences, perspective, opinions, etc… to the other. An independent person decides which ones to adopt and make a part of his/her identity. You need to be in charge of the identity you create and live.

3. YOUR HAPPINESS: Various people and experiences bring us happiness. One person’s happiness may not be another’s. Life is expansive enough for each to find separate happinesses, as well as that shared together. Trust and the ability to talk about one’s individual happinesses are important here.

4. YOUR DREAMS AND AMBITIONS: This one seems somewhat redundant to me. If you have your independence, actively developing your identity, and creating happiness, then certainly your dreams and ambitions are part and parcel of them.

5. YOUR FAITH: This is a tricky one, less so in these times than past. Certain religions and believers can make this difficult. However, your faith is your faith, not someone else’s. What you believe and practice is your right. If your significant other has a problem with that then that person does not deserve such a designation and role. You must be free to be who you are, including whatever faith/beliefs  you may currently be espousing.

6. YOUR RIGHT TO BE HEARD: I like the way Ms. Hilton comments here: “Your voice is your power. It’s how you share your ideas with the world, advocate for something you believe in, and stand up for yourself when necessary. Relationships should be breeding grounds for greater security and confidence in our voice.” Healthy relationships help bring out the best in you, build confidence, and enable your voice to be heard.

Relationships certainly are complex. Certainly the ones that have a deeper emotional tie have the most impact in affecting who you are and what you do. Choose wisely, do due diligence, stay aware of the interpersonal dynamic going on, and choose to be all of your best self. May these six reminders add to your ability to do that!

“The unexamined life is not worth living”   Socrates

Dr. Stathas can be reached at 706-473-1780. Email: jstathas13@gmail.com. Web site: drstathas.googlepages.com. Blog: drstathas.com

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