Our Wedding Anniversary: a Personal Reflection by a Former “Desperado”!

     In these blogs I attempt to write about a variety of topics that you might find interesting and assist you in having an enlightened, healthier, and more loving life.  Today I offer a personal testimonial on how defenses can be brought down and a deeper intimate life can be created.  My story.

     September 30th is a special day of celebration for my wife, Sherry, and me.  We will have been married for thirty four years!  I feel fortunate and grateful that we have reached this point.  Most of the credit for this accomplishment belongs to Sherry.

     At the beginning I had some intimacy issues.  I did not want to let any woman get too close to my heart.  My emotional boundaries were solid, my defenses strong.  I became very independent.  My challenge was to be interdependent – a partner. There were reasons for these defenses, as there probably are for yours.  Everyone has some emotional barriers that need to be overcome if a more loving union is to be accomplished.

     In 1977 I met Sherry.  We got to know each other as friends. As the relationship developed we went on some dates.  An early one is memorable and pertinent.  We were at the Steak and Ale in Tucker having dinner.  After a tasty meal and good conversation we moved into the Lounge where Banks and Shane were playing.  Some of you know of them. As a part of their musical set they sang DESPERADO. You may be familiar with it. Some of the words follow:

                Desperado, why don’t you come to your senses?

                You been out ridin fences for so long now.

                Oh, you’re a hard one

                I know you got your reasons.

                Those things that are pleasing you

                Can hurt you somehow …


                Desperado, oh, you ain’t getting no younger

                Your pain and your hunger, they’re drivin you home.

                And freedom, oh freedom, well that’s just some people talking

                Your prison is walking through this world all alone. …


                 Desperado, why don’t you come to your senses?

                 Come down from your fences, open the gate’

                 It may be rainin, but there’s a rainbow above you.

                 You better let somebody love you, before its too late


     For some reason the words hit me like a thunder bolt.  Here I was sitting with this beautiful woman who was one of the nicest persons I had ever met.  And she was trustworthy – what you see is who she is.  No pretense.

     I said to myself, “let her in”.  And I did.  The rest is history.  1978 was our marriage year.  Kristopher John was born in 1980. Brittany Ann in 1983.  Baby making stopped at this point based on a  response from Sherry when I asked her what might be a special gift for Valentines Day.  She replied, “Your vas deferens!

     The de –“fences” have mostly come down, occasionally present.  They are not necessary.  I am loved, not judged, criticized or controlled.  Past mistakes are not brought up. We share a fun and loving life.

     Our children, Kris and Brittany, are now young adults.  We are very proud of them as they have successfully moved on to the next phase of their lives.  They have married well and have satisfying careers. We still are a very close loving family. Even have a special one year old granddaughter named Hailey! However, “empty nest” is not empty because Sherry and I are living in Paradise together, with you our friends and community.  I hope that you will be encouraged as I have to “come down from your fences, open the gate” and see that beautiful “rainbow above you”. I am blessed and grateful to live with “the sunshine of my life”, still the nicest person I’ve ever met, and hope you are as fortunate. Bring on another thirty four!


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