Successful Ways To Create A Miserable Life! Guaranteed!

Many of my articles focus on creating a happy life, one in which a person can learn certain things, practice some new behaviors, and live more joyfully. I have come to understand, regrettably, that there are some people who choose to be miserable. It is their identity, their brand. Thus, I feel that I should give equal opportunity to those people and assist them to become even more miserable.  I am aided in this endeavor by an excellent article by Cloe Madanes in the Psychotherapy Networker. I will highlight some of her suggestions and embellish them as best I can to help ensure that misery seekers will be successful in their quest.

  1. PRACTICE SUSTAINED BOREDOM: “Cultivate the feeling that everything is predictable, that life holds no excitement, no possibility of adventure, that an inherently fascinating person like yourself has been deposited into a completely tedious and pointless life through no fault of your own. Complain a lot about how bored you are.” Such a perspective and commentary will surely turn off most people toward you thus facilitating a life of misery.  Yawn!
  2. GIVE YOURSELF A NEGATIVE IDENTITY: “Allow a perceived emotional problem to absorb all other aspects of your- self identification. For example, if you feel depressed, become a “Depressed Person”. … Talk about it to everybody. … Practice the behaviors most associated with being depressed, particularly when it’ll interfere with regular activities and relationships.” People then may feel sorry for you which can further enhance your state of misery. Play it to the hilt.
  3. BE CONFLICTUAL: Find a way to pick fights, especially with those closest to you. Be argumentative, critical, and condescending. Thus, you will be rejected and can feel content that you have further enabled yourself to be a miserable person.
  4. ATTRIBUTE BAD INTENTIONS: “Whenever you can, attribute the worst possible intentions to your partner, friends, and coworkers. Take any innocent remark and turn it into an insult or attempt to humiliate you.” Whenever you can try to see how someone is trying to hurt you, screw you over, and reject you. This will help with your misery mission.
  5. AVOID GRATITUDE: “Research shows that people who express gratitude are happier than those who don’t, so never express gratitude. Counting your blessings is for idiots. What blessings? Life is suffering, and then you die. What’s there to be thankful for?”
  6. BLAME YOUR PARENTS: “Blaming your parents for your defects, shortcomings, and failures is among the most important steps you can make. After all, your parents made you who you are today; you had nothing to do with it. … Extend the blame to other people from your past.” As long as you can dwell in the past and play the blame game you can be assured that you will in no way move toward happiness. Misery is sustained.
  7. DON’T ENJOY LIFE’S PLEASURES: If you inadvertently find yourself enjoying anything or anyone in your life quickly change your thought to focus on something that is negative, wrong, or depressing.
  8. RUMINATE: “Spend a great deal of time focused on yourself. Worry constantly about the causes of your behavior, analyze your defects, and chew on your problems. This will help you foster a pessimistic view of your life. Don’t allow yourself to become distracted by any positive experiences or influence.” Negative self absorption is one of the keys ways to stay miserable. Cultivate this ability.
  9. FIND SOMETHING WRONG AT EVERY OPPORTUNITY: Look for and find something wrong as much as possible, and be sure to mention it to anyone and everyone around. Most people will shun you because you are a negative person, a downer. In reality, misery does NOT like company. Enjoy your loneliness, miserable person.


Respected Reader, there are many more ways to develop a life of misery. You may well be an expert on this life style. These, however, are good starting points to ensure that you can develop, practice, and maintain a life of misery.

It is my hope that this master guide will serve as a mirror for you to look into and determine if you have been creating a life of misery – that it is your identity. Or, perhaps, you will recognize that some of the things you are doing need to be changed should you desire to create a life of happiness. May your mirror accurately reflect currently and in the future who you are and assist you in becoming the person you want to be.

I HOPE YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE A MISERABLE PERSON! (There is so much joy and goodness in the world to be enjoyed. May you add to it!!)

“The unexamined life is not worth living”    Socrates

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