You Thought You Were “In Love”. Nope, You Were Not!

Have you ever heard this “oldie” song by Lloyd Price entitled “I’m Gonna Get Married”? Some of the lyrics are: “Johnny, you’re too young. But I’m gonna get married. You’re so young. My name she’ll carry. You’re too young. … How come my heart deserts me, burning full of love and desire. How come every time she kisses me it sets my soul on fire. … You’re so young”

On the journey through life the “chemistry of love” overwhelms us and takes us to a land of euphoria. Question for you, Respected Reader: how many times have you been “in love”? Did you marry each time? Probably not, hopefully not! If you did, “whew”! I have had a few “in love” moments in life before I found my one true love. I am so grateful that I did not let those few “in love” moments lead to commitment. They never would have lasted, for they were not marriage love. What is going on in these “in love” moments is a complex short term chemical reaction in the brain.

Let me explain. PEA (phenylethylamine) is the chemical that sets off the “in love” feelings. It releases norepinephrine and dopamine into the brain giving you those dizzying feelings associated with romantic love. Great feelings. However, these activated chemicals don’t last long. Three years max. The relationship needs to evolve through the many factors that make for a long term marriageable love. If that develops the enduring chemicals of oxytocin and serotonin will abide. This is the true feel good enduring “love”. (We are chemicals!)

It is because of this knowledge, gained personally and professionally, I like one of the roles I have in my multi-faceted practice – “Dating Coach”! In this role I help people know who they are, what they bring to a relationship, what they need in a relationship, what to be aware of in a potential marriage partner, the do’s and don’ts of the dating process, what are “red flags” in the relationship, etc… . Many elements go into finding the best fit for a long term relationship. Too many people take the short cut, side tracked by the PEA impact.

Since I’m using music to help convey the message, allow me to offer some other lyrics to help make my point that love is a process deepened over many years. (Sorry, Bachelor and Bachelorette for your lame attempts to couple up individuals to be “in love”). The song “Love Takes Time by Orleans conveys the message:

“I saw the twinkle in her eye, it lit a fire inside (PEA, my insert). But it burned so wild and strong, I knew it wouldn’t last  long (wise person, my insert). Cause love takes time, and it’s hard to find. You gotta take some time to let love grow. I saw a shooting star go by. It blazed a path across the sky. But the beauty did not last, no some things just happen too fast.  But love takes time, and it’s hard to find. You gotta take some time to let love grow.”


Respected Reader, how does the above message resonate with you – your past and present? Has a deep abiding love been found and nurtured?  Are you still “in the hunt”? An enduring committed love must pass through various roads, the first one usually is the PEA road. Don’t let it detour you on the way to finding “The One”. Hope this helps!

“The unexamined life is not worth living”   Socrates

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